Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
