I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
