Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
