To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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