update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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