it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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