Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
