singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
