True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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