So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
FUCK WHALES
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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