Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
