oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
