Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
