I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize