i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
