My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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