Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
