FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
