As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
