I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My breasts were aching with rage.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I could fuck to npr.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
not ubering you a puppy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
