were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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