apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry about my life...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
