just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
COCAINE IS GR8
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
