Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there's paper in my vomit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
