I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
that is very illegal...i love you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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