Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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