first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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