We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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