I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
