So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize