i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
