Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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