I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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