his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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