I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
