Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
