Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
