I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
