I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize