My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
