It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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