she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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