I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
