i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
