can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize