Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize