Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
