Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
