the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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