Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
