I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
