I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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