Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
