He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
