I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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