She's JV to your varsity
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
