You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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