So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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