i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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