Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
