I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
