if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
