Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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