He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
