I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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