Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
