You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
