weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm passing your future prison.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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