From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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