I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do herpes really smell.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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