I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
