So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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