That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
