He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
