His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
