SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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