i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
