I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize