I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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