I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
