dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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