why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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