I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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