i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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