The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
