You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
