And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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