maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
