I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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