if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
