Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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