I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
