Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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