When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
