I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
