I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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