You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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