Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
