i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
