did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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