I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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