by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize