I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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