First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
