I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
