u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
