I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
