I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
