well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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